Divorce? NEVER!

Someone recently posted something on Facebook that really cut to the core with me.  It was not only what they said but the way the said it and the posts that followed.  (there is something to be said about using all caps, but that could be a whole different blog topic) Anyways, they posted a link to a story about a failing marriage, then posted that they don't believe in divorce and will never get one.  At first glance I nodded and agreed, but then I could feel a fire build inside.  As someone who's been divorced I think I started to take her words to heart.  Did she really think people get married thinking, "well, if this doesn't work out I'll just get a divorce" does she not see from the people and relationships around her that no matter how perfect for each other people may be or how religious they are, sometimes shit happens.  Life happens, people change, and for one reason or another it doesn't work out.  But just because a marriage doesn't work out it doesn't mean they failed.

No one can ever say never, because you can't predict the future.  Nor can you say you don't "believe" in it, it is a real thing, it's not the tooth fairy.  You can believe in the "institution" of marriage, you can say you'll always do everything within your power to maintain a healthy, loving relationship, and you can wish, want, or will yourself a lifetime of happy marriage, but you can't say that you'll never get a divorce.  I don't wish the divorce process and heartache upon anyone, and I hope I never have to watch a friend go through one, but in America where the divorce rate is 50% and some reports put it closer to 75% in the state of California, the chances are most people will divorce.

There is still the percentage that doesn't get a divorce, it is possible to have a marriage that lasts, it takes a lot of hard work, love, communication, support, common goals, and most importantly individuality.  Without love for yourself and strong individual life, you won't be able to contribute healthily to a relationship.  It's knowing that divorce IS a possibility that should keep you waking up each morning asking yourself, "what can I do today to show my partner how much I love them"

Hard To Say Goodbye

Another year means another Holiday season without Daniel. You'd think after three years I'd get used to it, but for some reason this year seems harder than previous years. It could be because it's the first time he will miss Thanksgiving, or because it's the first time he has left so early in the season, or that this is the longest that he could be gone... but I think and blame my hopeless fantasizing.

I blame the books I read and movies I watch, because only in the movies do things always workout perfectly. As women we are tricked (at a very young age... thank you Disney) into believing there is always a prince who will hopelessly fall in love with us, spoil us, and make everything workout seamlessly. Ha joke's on us! Not that we don't meet great guys, or have good lives, it's just not the perfect daydream that we're promised. I could stop reading happy ending stories and watching sappy movies but the effects have already taken a toll and it's irreversible.

The Best Gift You Can Give is Your Presence

With the holiday's approaching and black Friday just around the corner everyone is thinking about what they want for Christmas and what they should give others.  While there is nothing wrong with giving or receiving gifts, I've come to find the best gift you can give is your presence.

Our lives are so busy and we tend to have more to do than hours in the day, so this holiday season please remember to slow down and live in the moment.  The cell phones, emails, Facebook, and everything distracting can wait, but the moment that is happening before you (wether it's dinner with family or a friend, playing a board game with your child, taking a walk with your husband, or sitting in front of a fire) will only happen in that moment, and if you're not present, fully present, in that moment you just might miss it.  

Root of All Evils

I know a lot of people wanted to hear a guilty verdict in the Conrad Murray trial, some for justice and some for closure. I however want it to set an example, that we are all responsible for our own actions and that money, fame, and notoriety don't mean we can let our good judgement and integrity go out the window.

The reason Michael died is money. He had enough of it to buy whatever he wanted including a personal doctor, who let money cloud his judgement. Should Conrad have turned Michael down or told him no at anytime, Michael would've just found someone else to say yes.

Money will always buy you what you want, but at what cost?

The true victim in this tragedy is society, so many have lost their way. I can only hope this guilty verdict will help prevent someone else from making a poor life altering decision.

Where Does The Time Go?

An hour, minute, week, month go by and suddenly you realize you don't remember what you've been doing or where that time went.  My latest time warp shock was realizing how quickly time had passed since my last blog.  So where does time go?  Why do we seem to have less time each passing year?  I can remember being a kid and thinking I'll never be old enough to drive, and now I renew my license thinking, "didn't I just do this?" 

What scares me the most is missing time with friends and family, I've noticed over the last year or so that I'll have lunch with someone and talk about how we don't do this often enough and how we should get together more only to let months go by without seeing each other again.  Is it that we are to busy?  To caught up in our own lives?  Are we to blame or is it society in general?  

Whatever the reasons are for this lack in spare time, I vow to change it in my life.  To make time for the important things and people, to have more fun, more get togethers, and enjoy each spare minute that I do find!  I will do my best to make time stand still long enough for me to make memories but you'll have to meet me half way!!

Daddy's Little Girl

Last night Daniel said something to me that made me fall in love with him all over again.  We were at the beautiful wedding of our friends Nicole and John, we'd watched Nicole's dad walk her down the aisle, give one of the most heartfelt speeches, and tearfully dance with his newly married daughter, when with tears in his eyes, Daniel leaned into my ear and said, "alright, I'd be ok if we had a daughter."  of course Daniel being Daniel he had to add, "but we still have to have a boy."  I chuckled and stated more than asked, "you want this moment don't you?" all he could do was nod.  Whether he'd like to admit it or not I know he wants a "daddy's little girl," and hopefully one day I'll be able to give that to him.

Nagging Wife or Motivational Speaker?

So here I am at three o'clock in the morning because a recent discussion with my husband got me thinking.... Yesterday I received a Lowes Creative Ideas catalog in the mail where I found a project for a mirror framed in wood and thought, "wow, what a great idea to make our full length mirror into a decorative piece."  Of course I showed this to Daniel thinking it would be a great project for him to tinker with and get to use his newly organized garage and tools.  This is when he made the comment that got me thinking.... "it would't be hard, just keep reminding me and eventually I'll get around to it"

And here's where the insomnia comes in... why must I remind?  Do I need to nag in order to get things done around the house?  When was the last time I had to be reminded to do something?  Is this common in every household?  And last but definitely not least, How do I motivate without being or feeling like a nag?

The more I thought about these questions the more I wondered if this is a generational thing, did our grandparents or even great grandparents have these same issues?  I know I didn't live the era but when I think about the greatest generation, the silent generation and maybe even early baby boomers I can't help but picture hard working men with a silent but strong love for their family.  I picture men who worked hard five days a week and then spent their nights and weekends working around the house and spending time with their families.  Is this a delusion?  Have books, television and movies romanticized the family dynamics of this time period?  Or have modern technologies made us lazier?

For now I guess I'll just have to wonder if I'll ever have answers to my questions or a decretive mirror for my wall.